Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
