yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
