update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
