They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
i was born a porn star she said
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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