Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Randomize
