he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
The chlamydia really affected his face.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
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