i'm signing you up for texting rehab
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
