I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
