yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
