Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
