I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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