i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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