I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
