Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
