benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
