It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
