I will die if light touches me.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Is this like a preordered booty call?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
