You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
