i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
