True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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