Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
