end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
operation harelip BJ is a go
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
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