I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
