I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Randomize
