So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
