fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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