Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Randomize
