Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
