ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
