My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Randomize
