Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
