Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
