what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
