I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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