you have to choose: penises or morals?
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
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