The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
