If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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