do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
