Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
