you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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