Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
