i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
