she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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