I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
