forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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