I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Randomize
