why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
