Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
