My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
i was born a porn star she said
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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