Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
